(I can't remember when or why I wrote this, but I still like it!)


Once upon a time there was a big giraffe called Thomas, and he wanted a huge, cuddly panda for his birthday.

This year, when it came to his birthday, Thomas was very excited. He told his mum that he would really like a huge, cuddly panda and she looked as if she would get him one.

When he woke up in the morning he saw a huge parcel at the bottom of his bed, and he jumped up as quickly as he could to open it.

As the layers of paper fell to the floor Thomas was delighted to see that emerging slowly from the mess was a huge, cuddly panda!

Suddenly the panda opened its mouth and started eating Thomas. As the poor giraffe struggled and screamed in vain, the panda sank his teeth into Thomas's flesh and smiled a smile of pure satisfaction.

After the massacre, Thomas's mother came home from doing the shopping. When Thomas didn't answer her calls she ascended the stairs slowly and knocked on his door. She knocked again. Thomas didn't answer so she ventured slowly into the room.

At the sight of the blood soaked carpet and scarlet splattered walls Thomas's mother sat down on the soggy bed. She picked a couple of her son's severed hooves off the floor and looked at them.

"Thank God I've finally got rid of the lazy, good-for-nothing bastard." she said, and threw the hooves in the bin.